Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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