He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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