He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
