Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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