Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
