im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
