as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
