Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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