I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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