Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
