I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
