Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
