I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
