I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
