No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
