Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
