I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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