Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
So much rum. So many feels.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
