East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
