I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
