I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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