I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
