I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
