He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
