My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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