Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
