dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
