Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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