I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
