Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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