Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
