So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
