I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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