he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
