Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
