She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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