Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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