I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
