So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
