I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize