He asked me if I "almost moaned"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
