I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
