Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
