Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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