My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
