Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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