I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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