You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize