My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
