I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
