I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
