omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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