You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
where are my pants?
in the oven.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
