Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
tell me about the fingering
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
