Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
