He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
