My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize