Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Randomize
