Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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