Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
