he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
