You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
