So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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