is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
