it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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