I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
