We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
