every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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