I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
