is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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