I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
